Men, Women And God

In the United States one in three schools now teaches that abstaining from sexual intercourse until marriage is the only appropriate way to behave. And the majority of schools that do not teach abstinence only, advocate "abstinence-plus" - that means that contraception is explained, but avoiding sex altogether is urged. Millions upon millions of dollars have been legislated by the US Congress to promote these programmes of abstinence education. And this is changing sexual behaviour in the United States and reducing teenage pregnancies. But here in this country things are different. You do not hear of abstinence education in the UK where promiscuity is increasing and teenage pregnancies are not reducing. Britain is now a sexually decadent country, with the biggest concentration of sexually transmitted disease in the European Union; with today's teenagers nearly five times as likely as their own mothers and 24 times as likely as their grandmothers to have under-age sex; and with a government wanting to allow local authorities positively to promote homosexuality in schools.

However, it is amazing what a handful of people, or even one person, who takes a stand for the truth - against the tide - can do.

When I was a student, everyone smoked. On trains and buses and in public buildings you breathed air that was smoke laden. Then Professor Richard Doll of Oxford in the 1950s found that there was a connection between cigarette smoking and lung cancer. The connection was irrefutable. So some planned a strategy to overturn the culture of smoking. There was education, advertising, campaigning, lobbying, books, pamphlets and broadcasts. The result - things have changed.

I believe it can change in respect of our sexual culture, if Christian people are true to God's word, firm and take a lead. But to do that we first need to know what God's word says. And in this area that is so vital. For God knows best - he made us. You can, of course, ignore the makers instructions. You can say when your oil has run dry in your car engine - "who cares?" You can just ignore that orange light. But before long you will grind to a halt when the engine has seized up! How we need to listen to God's word on this subject. So, tonight, I want us to look at Hebrews chapter 13. But let me first give you some background.

Hebrews - the letter to the Hebrews - is stressing the uniqueness and finality of Jesus Christ. He is the only saviour, and he has no peers and no successors. People were being seduced away from Christ. They were being seduced by Jewish ritualism. But the writer says, "No! Christ's is the only way. So don't drift back to your old ways and beliefs. But persevere. And the secret of perservance is faith." You then have that great chapter 11 of Hebrews on faith and the heroes of faith. But at the end of chapter 11 there is change of gear, when the writer moves to specific practical application of living the life of faith. You get that in chapter 12 and what follows.

Chapter 12 begins with the writer saying in verses 1-13 that the Christian life is going to be hard - it is not always going to be easy. Secondly in verses 14-17 he says, "avoid decadence". Thirdly, he says in verses 18-29 of chapter 12 you can't muck around with God. Quoting the Old Testament in verse 29 he says:

our "God is a consuming fire.

That brings us to chapter 13 and the verse I particularly want us to look at tonight, verse 4. Our subject is MEN, WOMEN and GOD. But there may be someone here tonight asking: "Why are Christians obsessed with sex and related matters?" They are not. Let me quote Joel Belz of World magazine as to why it sometimes seems to be so. His friends were wondering why Christian people like himself should keep worrying about the issues of homosexuality and abortion. Why not rather focus, they said, on the sins of racism and economic oppression. His reply was as follows:

real as racism and economic oppression may be, I don't know many folks who defend them as morally right. We may be insufficiently motivated and poorly mobilized to undo them - but at least we're not running around claiming that racism is a virtue and that economic oppression should be expanded.

But that is what is happening today with sexual sins - they are being defended by some as morally right. Well, that is by way of introduction. Let's now look, very simply, at Hebrews 13 verse 4:

Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

First, MARRIAGE SHOULD BE HONOURED BY ALL

What is marriage? Jesus was asked about marriage and divorce on one occasion. He replied like this - Mark 10 verse 6-9 ...

"... at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.

So marriage is a creation ordinance. It comes before the Fall. It is there right at the beginning of Genesis. It is to do with the way the world is. It is true for all men and women. This is not just for believers. That is why what the bible has to say about sex and marriage is relevant to people outside the church as well as those inside it. Nor is this to do with culture. It is not just a way that some people at some points of history have found "fun". But other ways are equally valid. No! This is to do how God created the human species in two forms - male and female. The bible is saying that to be human is to share humanity with the opposite sex (not the same sex). That is what you get in Genesis 1 verse 27 - as the last act of creation:

God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

And God's intention for human beings is for there to be a leaving of the parental home by a man and a woman (not a man and a man or a woman and a woman, but a man and a woman) - then to be united with (or literally, "joined to") a wife (or husband); and then and only then to "become one flesh" (and that refers to sexual union). There is leaving and uniting before "becoming one flesh". And that "uniting" the bible shows is a public matter - it is not just a private agreement. It is recognizable by third parties. The ceremonies involved vary from culture to culture (cf Gen 29.21-22). But verification that there has been a leaving and a uniting is required. And the bible makes it clear that this uniting is for life. Verse 9 of Mark 10:

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.

God is involved in a marriage - never forget that. So marriage is something socially recognized and supported by society - at least that happens in healthy societies. Marriage is not a "relationship" - that is a fatal flaw in modern thinking. Marriage is the structure, if you like, within which a lifelong relationship takes place. It is not a relationship that evolves into a marriage. It is the marriage that enables the relationship to thrive.

Relationships go up and down - that is the nature of human emotions. Marriage is a state of life that is there whatever the nature of the relationship. It is to under gird the relationship. It is like being a graduate. Later in life you may have remembered very little of your degree subject, but you are still entitled to certain privileges of your university. That is why it is so false to talk about the death of a marriage. Marriages don't "die". Marriages don't go up and down. Relationships do, but not marriages.

Marriage is a gift of God. God gives two human beings, a man and a woman in love, a fence, so to speak, around their relationship. That is why we are told here that "marriage should be honoured". You see, marriage can be "dishonoured". Sadly it is often dishonoured today. It is dishonoured by divorce and remarriage. It is dishonoured by people cohabiting without being married. It is dishonoured by a government that deprivileges marriage in terms of its tax legislation. It is dishonoured by people suggesting there can be such things as homosexual marriages. It is dishonoured by adultery. It is dishonoured by those who should get married but don't (with the current fall in the rates of marriage Christians have to be careful that they are not so caught up in the career rat-race that they fail to plan for marriage when they should). It is dishonoured by Christians when they marry non-believers (Christ then cannot be Lord and head of the marriage). It is dishonoured when husbands don't love their wives with a self-sacrificial love and when wives don't respect their husbands (as Paul explains in Ephesians 5 verse 33).

But notice that it is to be "honoured by all". It is to be honoured by married people and by single people. Yes, it can be hard for single people. Life can be lonely. Even when you know God is calling you to remain single, life can be lonely. But remember: Jesus Christ understands your situation. He was single and totally fulfilled. There are opportunities you have that your married friends don't have. And if marriage is to be honoured by all, it is to be honoured by hetero- and homo- sexual people. The number with exclusive preferences for the same sex is very small. But in a group this size there may well be one or two who have those exclusive preferences. As with heterosexual single people, it can be lonely when you know you cannot follow your sexual desires because the bible clearly forbids it. But again remember Jesus - who as Hebrews tells us (Heb 4:15) was not ...

... a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin.

"Marriage should be honoured by all".


Secondly, THE MARRIAGE BED [SHOULD BE] KEPT PURE

The word translated "the marriage bed" is literally "the bed". It is the expression used for the sex act - for sexual intercourse. So two things are clear.

First, it is clear that sex is not something inherently impure but pure. It can become impure. But we are to keep it pure. It has been created by God. And what God has created is good. And Christians on average, do enjoy sex more than non Christians. That is what you would expect if people follow the Makers instructions. Empirical research is now showing that women who follow the Christian ethic are, on average, better in bed than those who do not! For example, women who have sex only with their husbands are twice as responsive sexually as women with multiple partners.

Secondly, it is clear that sex is to be reserved for marriage. Yes, there has to be abstinence. And there is abstinence. But there needs to be more abstinence. One study in America shows that of those that do well at school, 3 out of 4 are sexually inactive. That suggest that abstinence is not only possible, but associated with high levels of personal achievement. Another study of 1000 girls found that of a dozen possible sex education topics, the most popular (chosen by 84 percent of the respondents) was more information on how to say "No!" to a boyfriend's requests for sex. Another study found that 12-17 year olds regard the pressure to have sex as the prime threat to their well-being. Young men and young women are wanting to remain virgin until marriage, but the pressures are going the other way from their education and the media.

"Experience" has become a primary value for many, so that if you are sexually "inexperienced" you are made to feel less than normal. That is nonsense! To experience something at the wrong time - like taking an exam when you haven't revised, or signing a contract when you haven't enough money, or jumping out of an aeroplane when you haven't a parachute - can give you some sort of buzz (for a few secondls); but it is utter folly. That leads us to the last part of our verse.


Thirdly, GOD WILL JUDGE THE ADULTERER AND ALL THE SEXUALLY IMMORAL

First, there is judgment now for those who have sex outside or before marriage - the "adulterer and all the sexually immoral".

There are the problems of venereal disease. These diseases are a risk both to a person's health and fertility. Let me mention two besides HIV and AIDS. Take Gonorrhoea which has a host of unpleasant symptoms. This poses a threat to fertility by damaging a woman's fallopian tubes. Provisional statistics from the Public Health Laboratory Service revealed that cases of gonorrhoea rose by 25 percent across all age groups in England last year, with more than 15,570 sufferers. Then take Chlamydia - often referred to as the "silent disease" because it is largely symptomless but it may also cause infertility if untreated. This has doubled in prevalence since 1995. Last year it rose by 16 percent with more than 51,000 recorded cases. And God's judgments are seen in other ways.

There is the fact, as we now know, that the more sexually active people are prior to marriage the higher the chance of divorce once married. There is the fact that cohabiting couples are 50 percent more likely to have divorced after five years of marriage, and 60 percent after eight years of marriage than those who have not cohabited. There is the fact that marital breakdown is associated with premature death, depression and alcoholism. I quote from one marriage research organization:

Divorced men are twice as likely to die from heart disease as married men. Cancer rates are significantly higher in the divorced population.

And, most serious of all, children suffer - educationally, socially, in terms of health and in terms of other life chances. Secondly, there will be judgment on God's final day of judgment. Listen to Paul writing in 1 Cor 6.9-11:

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived ...

And this area is full of deception both with regard to the present consequences of sexual immorality and the eternal consequences. If you are a medical or social work professional you will come across presenting problems especially in the case of children - emotional behaviour disorders, failure to thrive and poor school performance. People will suggest all sorts of causes which you are asked to believe and act on. One cause they will defiantly ignore is the marital background and sexual lifestyle of the parents. But we now know that in many cases this is a fundamental cause of the problems. Children do suffer as a result of their parents marital and sexual behaviour. And there is deception as people try to tell you that the bible doesn't mean what it plainly does mean about sex and relationships and God's eternal judgment. So Paul says ...

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

"God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." But that is not the last word - a word of judgment.

The last word, and with this I must conclude, is the gospel, or the good news, that Jesus Christ is the saviour from judgment. How does he save? He saves from the penalty and then from the power of sin. As we have thought about these issues tonight I expect there are those who are very conscious of having failed to live up to God's standards. And Jesus says that sin in this area is not just in the act but in the thought. Once he said:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Mat 5:27-28).

He knew that sin is so general in this area. When confronted with a woman caught in adultery, he said to her accusers - we read this in John 8 verse 7.

"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.

They then left - all of them - knowing they, too, were sinful. So Jesus said, "neither do I condemn you ... Go now and leave your life of sin." He didn't condone what she had done. He forgave her. And he could do that because when he died on the Cross he was going to bear the punishment she deserved. In her place, "condemned he stood" (to use the words of the hymn). And he does that for you and he does that for me - and for all sin, sexual and marital sin included. Who tonight needs to trust Christ for forgiveness, perhaps for the first time? And remember what the writer to the Hebrews said in verse 8 of our chapter:

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

That is why Paul could say to the Christians in Corinth who trusted in Christ as their saviour and Lord - after referring to "the sexually immoral ... idolaters ... adulterers ... male prostitutes [and] homosexual offenders" in 1 Cor 6 verse 11:

And that is what some of you were. But [and this is one of the great 'but's in the bible] you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

That is why they had hope and new life.