Sex and Marriage

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Sexual and marital chaos is not something peculiar to the 21st-century. Rome in New Testament times was shockingly chaotic in terms of sexual and marital relationships. By contrast the Christian church in its early centuries brought in a new order to personal morality with its opposition to all sexual intercourse before and outside heterosexual, monogamous, lifelong marriage. That meant opposition to fornication (sleeping around when you are not married); adultery (sleeping around when you are married); divorce and remarriage; all same sex intercourse; and, also, abortion.

But history since those ancient times has been like a helter-skelter with ups and downs. There have been periods of sexual decadence followed by periods of reform to more biblical ways. We now in the West are in a down period. There is gross sexual licence with a sexual free-for-all and misery for millions. That has followed a period of 19th century Victorian restraint. The interesting early 18th century philosopher-poet, Alexander Pope, writing in an earlier period of sexual chaos, spoke of how such chaos so often spreads through simple toleration. His words still ring true:

“Vice is a monster of so frightful mienAs to be hated needs but to be seen;Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,We first endure, then pity, then embrace.”

So much by way of introduction to our subject which is Sex and Marriage.

To focus our thinking I want us to look at our New Testament reading, 1 Thessalonians 4.1-8. And my headings form an A B C, first, ASSUMPTIONS; secondly, BEHAVIOURS; and, thirdly, CONSIDERATIONS and I want to spend most time on “Assumptions”.

So, first, ASSUMPTIONS and look at verses 1-3a:

“Finally then brothers we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God your sanctification.” (1 Thess. 1.1-3)

Paul here on sex and marriage has at least four assumptions in these verses.

First, Christian sex and marital ethics are not legalistic. What do I mean? Well, Paul says if you are a Christian brother or sister in God’s family, you are to obey Christ not because of some hard and unrelenting, impersonal, moral principle. No! You obey because you want to please God (verse 1). Indeed, at the heart of all Christian ethics is pleasing a personal God rather than merely obeying an impersonal law to force God’s hand to accept you and bless you for being moral.

The trouble is you can never be moral or good enough. But as Paul teaches again and again, you are accepted only because of the moral good of Christ and his perfection, and supremely because of his dying for you on the Cross. He there died for all your sins, including (and, relevantly for tonight) sexual sins both hetero- and homo-sexual sins. So the first, assumption here is that Christian sex and marriage ethics are not legalistic. They are ethics in response to Christ’s love for us in dying for us and God’s good will for us. And because God is good, however hard his rules sometimes seem, we trust that they are for our best - best for society, for the family, for children, and for ourselves. And they are! Indeed, social studies show that people who follow the Christian sex ethic, when married, have more and better sex, on average, than people who don’t! All that is why “you ought to walk [or live] to please God”.

The, second, assumption is that you need to grow and mature in sexual behaviour and sexual understanding. Paul says at the end of verse 1, “you [not only] ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, [but he wants …] you [to] do so more and more.” That is why at this church we have marriage preparation sessions for those preparing for marriage; and then marriage courses for those already married. With the sexual chaos all around us and seemingly increasing and leading to the breakdown of marriages and families, how important those courses are. You see, people need social support to remain true to their convictions on right and wrong. That is one reason why the Bible teaches you should meet regularly with other Christians – as tonight, and also in some smaller groups, particularly in a larger church.

The problem is most human beings find it hard not to conform to the social groups they find themselves in. If you doubt that, google the Asch [A-S-C-H] Conformity Experiment on the internet, and watch a video of that famous conformity experiment. So the second assumption is that Christians need to be growing and maturing in their sexual behaviour and understanding and taking care not to drift backwards by conforming to the world around.

The third assumption is that you do need instruction. Look again at verse 2:

“For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus.” (v2)

Paul is underlining the need for instruction from Christ. And that word “through” is important. Paul knew, as he reveals elsewhere, the actual teaching of Christ on sex and marriage. So as Christ’s apostle, on his earlier visit to Thessalonica he had already given Christ’s teaching on sex and marriage. But now wants to reinforce it. He knows that is so necessary. Look down to verse 9 in your Bibles, if you have them open – it says:

“Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.” (v9)

Brotherly love is, to so many, instinctively right through God’s general revelation in their consciences. That is why many pagan unbelievers say that “love” is the basic ethical rule. But people need God’s special revelation about how and what in practice are “loving” actions. You certainly need more than just the contradictory and often foolish fantasies that are behind some contemporary sex education and counselling and the agony aunts in many newspapers.

Paul’s teaching follows Jesus. And Jesus went back to God’s intention for men and women at Creation. You have that, for example, in Mark 10, where Jesus says (in Mark 10.6) …

“ …‘from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’” (Mark 10.6)

He is quoting Genesis 1.27 that says:

“God created man in his own image,in the image of God he created him;male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1.27)

That verse, of course, implies the equality of the man and the woman because both are made in the image of God. And the next verse in Genesis 1 speaks of the first great purpose of marriage, namely human reproduction – or pro creation – creating other human persons on behalf of God. For Genesis 1.28 says:

“ And God blessed them [the man and the woman]. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’”(Genesis 1.28)

And those two verses make it clear that sexual difference is part of creation not culture. So to be human is to share humanity with the opposite sex. The difference, therefore, is not just an incidental matter of human plumbing – so “do what you like with your genitals”. That is a lie. For Jesus then in Mark 10 shows you the right way regarding human reproduction or procreation and the creating of a new family unit. In Mark 10.7-8 Jesus next quotes Genesis 2.24:

“‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.” (Genesis 2.24.7-8)

So the Bible, underlined by Jesus (and by Paul), says that there is to be, first, a leaving of the primary family of your parents; secondly, a socially recognized and sanctioned uniting with a marriage partner – your wife (or husband); and then, thirdly, and only thirdly, comes the being “one flesh” through sexual, physical, intercourse. However, Jesus then adds words not in Genesis, but which are so important and have been so important since the time of Christ – Mark 10 verse 9:

“What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mark 10.9)

Jesus teaches there uniquely that marriage is for life without divorce and remarriage. So he taught not only the wrongness of serial polygamy (as you have it today in the secular West) but of all traditional polygamy of multiple wives at once (as is permitted in Islam, for example). It was for women a truly liberating moment. So all this needs to be taught by way of positive instruction because you are not instinctively aware of it, as you are about the need for love in general. So the third assumption is that you need biblical instruction about sex and marriage.

And the fourth assumption is there in the first part of verse 3:

“… this is the will of God your sanctification.” (v3)

I have a friend who admits to same-sex attraction. But he understands what sanctification means. Let me quote his actual words:

“We are all invited to come to Christ as we are, but we cannot stay as we are. He calls us to re-orientate our lives so that we live to him, not ourselves. That must mean radical change in every part of our lives, including sexual behaviour. It will be hard for all of us to follow Christ by obeying the Bible’s teaching that sex should be restricted to heterosexual marriage. That teaching is especially hard for those who are only attracted to the same sex, for whom marriage will not seem a realistic possibility. But it will also be very hard for heterosexuals who are involuntarily single, often for life. Yet many can testify to the [Holy] Spirit’s help in their struggle. We must resist the lie that sex is a human necessity and that only those who have voluntarily chosen celibacy can be expected to abstain. Such teaching ignores scripture, but also insults the [Holy] Spirit’s power.

Using theological terms, justification means you are right with God by faith and not by what you do; regeneration means you have new life as you trust Christ, through the working of the Holy Spirit; so you can start to live differently. But sanctification (that we are talking about here) means living out, day by day, that new life in the strength of the Holy Spirit. True, when you fail, there is forgiveness through, and from, Christ. But forgiven, you go on, having learnt lessons. So the fourth assumption is that the will of God is for our sanctification.

We must move on now, and more swiftly, to our

… second heading, namely BEHAVIOURS.

Look at verses 3b-5, on what is “sanctification” in Christian sexual and marital ethics – namely …

“… that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honour, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.” (v3-5)

So, one, you are to say ‘No!’ to sexual immorality – to abstain from it. And this was a real problem for people in Thessalonica. Paul was writing this letter from Corinth, which was dominated physically by the temple of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of sex (the Roman Venus) whose priestesses roamed the streets at night as prostitutes. In Thessalonica, however, people worshipped deities called the Cabiri with rites, it has been said, involving gross sexual decadence. But to say ‘No!’ in such a context is, actually, so enriching. Someone I know who at the university was herself messed up by its paganism has written this about the word, ‘No!’

“‘No’ is the most exciting word in the English language. When everything is possible, nothing is desirable. Dogs do not exercise desire, they simply mate. They do not dream, plan, long for the beloved to ‘embody’ them, write poetry, grow emotionally wise. Dogs copulate suddenly and violently, then run off to chase a stick. And nothing is required either to ensure it happens or ensure it does not – except neutering, of course, But for humans, without the word ‘No!’, sexual fulfilment itself vanishes.”

And the Bible makes it clear in 1 Corinthians that for a Christian to have sex with someone not their marriage partner damages their relationship with Jesus Christ. By faith in Christ you are joined to Christ – and amazingly that is not just your spirit but somehow your body. So Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6.15:

“ Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never!” (1 Corinthians 6.15)

So, one, abstain from, and say ‘No!’ to, all sexual immorality.

Two, verse 4,

“each one of you is to know how to control his own body in holiness and honour.” (v4)

So you don’t just pray to be good. You also use your mind. You don’t let yourself get into a situation that means your hormones take over and control what you do. Jesus is quite practical about this in Matthew 5.27 and following:

““You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” (Matthew 5.27-30)

That is a dramatic way of saying, if your eye causes you to sin, don’t look; if it is your hand, don’t touch. And the reason why this is important is because it is precisely what, in their “passion of lust” (verse 5 of our chapter), the “Gentiles” do “who do not know God”. They look at whom or what they shouldn’t, and touch where or when they shouldn’t. So “each one of you [should] know how to control his [or her] own body.”

For, and thirdly, there are important CONSIDERATIONS.

Look at verses 6-8. Paul wants …

“… no one [to] transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.” (v6-8)

Disobeying God with regard to sex and marriage ends up “wronging” your brother (or other people). And the consequences are serious, because verse 6 says, “the Lord is an avenger in all these things.” That is not popular to say, but if true, how foolish to ignore it.

And it is true and seen in many negative outcomes from sexual immorality. For all sexual immorality fundamentally ends up destabilizing heterosexual marriage and so damages children, who are the hope of the future. And sexual immorality leads to more Sexually Transmitted Infections and less fertility. This year Public Health England says that STIs continue to rise with half a million diagnoses and with under 25s experiencing the highest rates. Then the weakening of marriage caused by sexual chaos and now corroded by Same-Sex Marriage, means fewer experience the wonderful complimentary companionship of the heterosexual married couple which also provides security for the children.

And this sexual chaos means that Western Europe has a fertility rate far below replacement level, with Britain improving but still below it. And if nothing changes demographically, experts are predicting significant Islamification in Europe by 2050 from necessary immigration for economic survival, and most likely from Islamic North Africa, the middle East and the horn of Africa. That would have implications for Christian freedoms. And a Jubilee Centre study has suggested that our current sexual and marital chaos in the UK is costing the tax payer 100 billion pounds a year – yes, more than our entire public spending on education!

I must conclude.

With much unhelpful teaching and propaganda by the media, in our schools and through some churches, a number here tonight will have messed up already in terms of their sexual lives. But that would have been true for a number of people Paul was writing to in Thessalonica. Certainly it was true of some Christians in Corinth as 1 Cor 6.9-11 says:

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practise homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But [that’s a great ‘but’] you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Cor 6.9-11)

So always remember there is forgiveness at the Cross of Christ for everyone and the Holy Spirit’s power to start to “walk and to please God” sexually and in terms of marriage.

That is all part of Godly Living, Church Growth, and, most definitely, Changing Britain.